DreamyPwincess's Secret Diary

the chapter's over

2011-10-19T14:36:00.002+08:00

chapter of me and rifaie couldnt last long... two weeks, and its gone with the wind, he went with his past and im trying to survive and looking for my future. to think about it, im not ready either, i have still got to go away for a month, and then when i come in about a month or so, im gonna start schooling, tskk~ i wish i could start schooling now alreadyy, hahah... its killing me to sit at home and not be able to work, haishhh, okay, i thought blogging will help, i guess it didnt, tsk!

Faeeeeeeeeeeee Ramlam~

2011-10-03T08:04:00.003+08:00

16th september 2011, friday.

Mon's chapter is over, now its me and fae.

Before him, i was seeing a guy named Syazwan.

a guy who changed my life tho he is 1 yr younger than me.

but he went missing and i thought he didnt love me, so i met fae.

which i thought was my rebound, but see where we are now...

he is like the moon to my nights and the stars to my moon.

i never would ask for someone better, he is perfect just the way he is.

p.s. life has to go on. whats past is past, never regret it. =D

Wonderful memories

2011-07-13T15:55:00.003+08:00

for the past 2 months i was having such a wonderful time, and now, im back to all loner. i mean since he left me, no doubts, im a loner, emo, yada yada, but yeah i still talk alot, tho its not as much as before. i tried to move on and date guys but they end up telling me im not ready to move on a new relationship and they left. how wonderful was that? and as crazy as i can be i was close to a butch, luckily, there's no spark in between us YET. lol. i swear i wish i could move on, but nah, or maybe not yet, it would take time i guess. but whatever it is, i cant wait to fly off, damn, i wanna fly like tomorrow, but i guess i cant its like in a few months. i am effing missing rahmah , kak moon, and mak besar now. been 2 months i slept their house and spend most of my time with them, and suddenly its soo quiet and lonely, all alone at home all over again. haizzzz, but the good part is that i cn concentrate on my studies. but i cant seem to put anything in my head right now. darnnnn~

ps. i miss you alot. =(

the past is still haunting me

2011-06-15T00:53:00.002+08:00

i have changed to a really i-dunnoe-how-to-explain-person. Yeah, he hurt me alot, but i dunnoe why, after saying "i dun need him anymore" , i kinda need him more. he was there to listen to my cries, he was there to make me feel better, but now, no one does that for me. its like im loosing my dad for the 2nd time. he was more than a boyfriend or hubby. he is more like my family, my friend, my lover and my husband. he never ever say 'no' to me. he never ever been stingy towards me and he always make me happy. for that period of time i felt as if, he has replaced my dad's role. but its all over now. i have got to move on and remind myself that there are better guys out there and may he be happy with his new life.

^^

2011-05-31T00:12:00.002+08:00

i thought i loved, i guess now i hate you. i thought i dont need cha, but now i need cha the most. i thought i wouldnt mind cha havin another person, but i guess now i realised, i do mind. im speechless, clueless and mindless... what the hell inn...

he left me hanging........

2011-05-30T01:02:00.001+08:00

he left me, just like that. he left me hanging. i wonder why. even if we are not meant to be, at least leave with a proper goodbye not just leave me and also showing me that you are the biggest coward ive ever seen. okay, fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. and so, now im in love with my baby rahmah and i miss gerald like alottttttttttttttttttttttttt! OKAY, I THINK IMMA SLEEP. I JUST HAVE TO SAY HE IS SUCH A COWARDDDDDDDDDDD! =)

Life has CHANGED

2011-05-17T23:18:00.003+08:00

pretty much, im replacing my friends instead of thinking about him all the time. its over and i fucking have to accept it. i thanked God, that i have changed, i might look wild and all, but deep inside, i've been reciting His name more often now. i also thanked Him cause he has given me friends which is not really bad of a company. people might say they arent good, but deep inside, they are the nicest people i have known. im trying my level best to forget about the past, the person who i was fucking close to, dissapointed me, arghh, i swear i dont wanna see him anywhere, anymore....
and so, i hate him and him! i hate both of them. LOLs.
hahs, enough of hating, i gi need to peace my mind.
holidays, come sooooooooooooooooon~

whats happening now?

2011-05-10T02:22:00.001+08:00

its like there's a disaster, typhoon, hail storm and whatever shit you can find all happening in my heart right now.... haish, im like wth? haha.... hrmmm, i broke up with mon. and i swore, when we arent together, he treats me effing nicely, and i feel like being with him, but we are together, i fucking swear i want it to be over. so, whats this? or maybe, we arent meant to be? hrmmm, -.- i will just live it hanging without any strings attached.... =) mwahhs!

Karaokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez~

2011-04-26T09:16:00.002+08:00

insyeerah

elmo & her

hidayah aur me

inn & hidayah

baby elephant & olive

somehow, i think im close to this new colleague of mine from DHL, 3G. I thank them for her. Hahs, giler and mentel just like me. Lawlz~

its over, for real

2011-04-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

so, ive broke up with him for like a week ago.... i dont know if ive done the right thing, somehow, i kinda miss him. hrmm... i told him we're gonna be friends for this point of time, at least for now... im kinda lost. yarh, whatever. we'll just see whats gonna happen next. =P

Going On

2011-04-06T23:35:00.001+08:00

for the past few weeks/months i didnt update, i was a preschool teacher. how rawking was it until i found out that the pay was too little for that much work. haishhh! so, i just didnt turn up for work and MIA cause they have been 'pujuk-ing' me to not quit. but i cant stand it! arghhh! so, now i thinking about taking o levels, but we'll see how it goes. =P

brickerishplank.

2011-02-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

okay, so i watched 'khurafat' at mubem's crip, and its kinda fun. and somehow, i just realised how important family bonding was. its like i missed the time when all of us meet up every friday at nani's place. we crash there, slept late and had a hell lot of fun. i miss all that. at times, i wish all of us stayed at a freaking big house, where we can sleep together, have breakfast together and meet every day. won't that be fun? like seriously, hell yeah! i miss all my cousins, aunties and uncles. i miss meeting them and smile and laugh together, talk crap and enjoy ourselves. it hurts me somehow, when we are all together but then it seems so silent. its like something's missing which is my dad. he was the light, he was the saint, he is every girl's dream dad, and his mine, he's my everything. being in a relationship sucks at time. you know, it might clash when you are gonna meet your guy butyou planned to go out with your cousins. that sucks. but at times, i thought i cant like without him when i already lived for seventeen years without him. like what the hall? haizzzzz..... im stressed up.

meet up after so long

2011-02-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

it was fun lepaking with the 5 shameless creature. and the best part was they said i've changed. daniel said that ive emerged to a girl. like wtf did he meant sia? am i not a girl before? freaking irritating bastard. Lols, sleepy. nitey nites. xoxo

me and his family

2011-02-20T00:49:00.002+08:00

i had fun painting the house and having some quality time with my guy's sisters. i cant lie, they are kinda bubbly and kecoh just like me. but at the wedding, just now, i didnt like a few things, i mean it hurts mentally. so what you have a cousin like reenie? yeah, pretty and all, but how close they are, its cmg back to square 1. i hate this feeling, but im just shutting up. haizzzzzzzzzzzzzz! everything's not like mine, so i didnt know what to do!

LOVELY!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-19T23:36:00.001+08:00

whats left of me? take it all in....

2011-01-30T16:59:00.002+08:00

so, we hate each other but we are still together. what the hell? he's been very cranky for quite some time... and can say so, all the time...

Today..♥

2011-01-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

when i was in the bus just now, listening to my mp3, i passed by Qadeem's crib. i kinda miss him. he was the only guy who knows how to treat me right. Life is so unfair, the person we loved always tends to drift apart from us. I thought there was something between us, but you turned me down. You left me hanging just like that. But if that's what you want, i guess, you achieved it. Congratz.

Bimboisticsza.

2011-01-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

i went out with my uncle just now. its long since we last went out together. it was fun and all. so, i realised i dont need a guy. yada. yada. they make me happy, at times happier nthan when im with him, i think. LOL. and my mum went to kl, missing her. hehe. and and i got a temporary job these days. woohoo. made a new friend. his name is ZB. he's aloright la, and we've got this dumb ass manager named asshole. haha. okay, i think thats all for now. buhbye. i love my life. thanks.

when i lived in 2010

2011-01-08T01:41:00.002+08:00

So, i survived 2010. Yeah, i might think its all a new start, 2011. I'll be in Ite, InsyAllah. I changed, thanks to 2010. I still remember, My God, Allah. My Dad, which im still living under his shadows. Im still with a guy whom i dont really know if i love him. I still wanna get married to an Ustaz. Yeah, all that made me realise that i have not been living a life, i've been living, listening to everyone's says. but i never really have done something i wanted to. So, hell yeah, to it. 2011, will be my year. And, somebody said, she felt pity when she looked at me. She said she felt sad seeing me like this. Guess what, im sad seeing me like this too. My broken family which i thought have merged back. Mum has always been away, never really at home, and we rarely talk. But i still love her. Best mummy in the world. Bro, whose always out with his friends during the night and sleeping in the morning. But i still love him, cause he shows his caring way in the wrong way. My step dad, who never have done his job as a husband. But i think he's still alright. So, tell me about it, you think im living my life a good one? I don't know, who to talk to or what to so, i just try and enjoy my life, being another person, just to keep others happy. I really wish Dad was still around, cause i know, he'll always be here for his daughter. Happy 2011, Daddy! Inn misses you much. She loves you and there is never a point of time she forgets about you. I am sure that if you are still around, im not who i am right now. But no regrets, its good to know that God loves you, thats why he took you before us.

P.S.: Dear Almighty God, Please Take Good Care Of My Dad and Always Put Him With The Faithful Ones. =)

i guess its not the time yet...

2010-12-28T23:36:00.002+08:00

what the hell, you think you really know me, now i am telling you that you actually dont really know me, cause if you do, i won't be this hurt. since we are still together, i might be playing your game on you. haha, what the hell, innn! anyways, i deleted my facebook, tagged and friendster. i'll listen to you and i'll teach you a lesson. maybe, maybe not, i dont mind, just being your dog, but it pays a price to do that. i don't know la, im just stressed uppp! =P

issit over yet?

2010-12-16T03:55:00.002+08:00

so, i soooo hate him right now, but io have to meet him like few hours from now. you think it's gonna be over? well, i hope it will, cause i kinda like being single though i know, when im single, i wanna be attached. so, what the hell i really want? im so fickle minded, but too bad, i got it from mummy... i want it to be over, maybe i dont, but i think i want it. somehow, i want it to be over more than i dont want it to be over. so, i think it should be over. I'm gonna bring myself up to say 'It's Finally Over!' and smile, than walk off from there. InsyAllah, everything will work out as how i want it to be, cause this time round, the spotlight will be on me. =)

i shall just type it out since i dun have the courage to tell him

2010-12-14T02:37:00.002+08:00

okay, so you are close to her like a 'sister'. but seriously, hugging and kissing? and just now, you just said... 'would the guy accept us kissing and hugging? would he mind?'. so the point is, you know its hard for others to accept that... but you still do it, worst still in front of me? do you think i've got no feelings? and you think its easy for me to accept it? arghh, you call me heartless? fuck you laaa... i've had enough of this shit. why don't you just be with her? since you can't get mad at her and you like seeing her happy and all, why you want me to be your wife when it seems that you are closer to her? love me, but you seem happier when you're with her. seriously, screw youuu!

i ♥ being a muslim!

2010-12-08T01:02:00.004+08:00

and i fall in love with maher zain's voice and the lyrics. well, i fetish religious guys, don't blame me. i want a husband who can lead me to the right path, though im rebellious and very stubborn, i know, when im married, i will wanna be faithful to him. hopefully, i'll get a good catch. InsyAllah. ♥

Caramel!

2010-12-07T04:13:00.002+08:00

Last part of our chat.............(changed our nicks to he as him, and i as me)

he says
then ditch her then
i says
done it... if i could foresee whats gonna happen, i wouldnt have saved her ass
he says
done save animore then..i dun see the link with ur bf tho
i says
nah, another story... whatever la...
im tired of thinking
he says
well....like i said..u deserve better from ur guy...now its time for u to think of one man for himself kinda game..
cuz dats wat hes doing to u...
so...
u decide....u want him or not...
not cuz u pity him
u list out wat gd YOU get if u dun dump him and wat good YOU get if u do
its abt u now
he been thinking of "i, me myself" instead of "we, us, ourself"
so u decide wat u want...
k?
good luck with him n wadeva else prob u have...
i gtg nw..
aniting
txt me
see u ard..
i says
haha
alrighty
he says
ya
i says
and and thanks by the way
he says
nvr changed
no prob
least i cud do..
how ironic i cnt help myself tho
welll
bye
i says
i cn try, one day
buhbye

and so...

2010-11-27T04:16:00.001+08:00

i hate him.

i hate him!

Our Story

2010-11-21T02:53:00.001+08:00

Airmata

2010-11-21T02:46:00.000+08:00

Yuna - After Midnight

2010-11-21T02:40:00.000+08:00

In Love

2010-11-21T01:27:00.002+08:00

and now im in love with another guy when its complicated. am i bad or what? but i just cant get him outta my mind, and maybe heart. maybe cause it's shattered. the littlest thing he did would hurt me. fish and chips! the name's BRUNO MARS!

I adore you, and perhaps one day we can be together. (dream on, me!)

When You're Gone (Acoustic)

2010-11-17T12:51:00.000+08:00

Believe it after seeing it and after seeing it, believe it...

2010-11-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

Hopes

2010-11-14T00:57:00.002+08:00

Like what i always tell people... You can plan something so perfectly but if He (Allah) don't want it to happen, it won't happen. So, my plans are ruined, my dreams were crashed. But it's alright, maybe there's a hikmah over all this things that's happening and has happened. But, seriously, I am stressed. Is what I'm sacrificing for is worthy enough? Arghhh! Talk it outtt soooon!!

Complicating Enough

2010-11-08T02:17:00.001+08:00

I love you, dear. With all my heart. But if you dont have faith in me, how am i suppose to go through all this alone? I thought we were in this together? My life is pretty much complicating. My beloved friend fell in love with me. She was nice and all till she tried to get with me. She understood me well and all. She was who i pour out my feelings to but it ended up like this. FISH! And so, i made up my mind. I'm going off for good but not for long, will be coming back in december. InsyAllah, everything goes on well. Hopefully my mum will be happy with whatever i'm sacrificing for her. And sure as hell, am gonna miss Nani! She was who i always talked to when i got problems. Somehow, she is more open nowadays, but not bout my relationship though. she's gonna kill me if she knew bout it. And people, one last thing to share...

'you will only realise how important that person is to you when they're gone. therefore, appreciate those who care for you.'

Shit Happens

2010-11-07T02:16:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i thought to my self, isn't it great if i could summarize my blog to a small book about my life? haha, as if that will happen. so, yeah, shit happens and i have no one to talk to. btw, is my life that boring that at times, people might just doze off to sleep while hearing me *nag* about what happened to me? okay, thats not the point. the point is, should i go to london? or just stay here? arghhh!! Allah, please help me? For once, i thought of just leaving him since he should have good people to always be by his side. but on second thought, i would suffer, though i know, it would be good if we aren't together, cause shit happens that still might be killing me inside. What can i do other than just swallowing shits. But if it continues, i might just explode. BLEARGHH! And he didn't really entertain me much no more. Told ya, shit happens. Check It Out! -.-

Wonderful life im living is all a LIE.

2010-10-28T00:12:00.002+08:00

Oh boy, Lying isn't a good thing, but Oooops, I lied when i said i'm gonna be alright. I lied when i say, it's okay, just go and do it.

You wanna know why? Cause i wanna take the risk and see what happens next. Whether i could buy your word, when you said " I'll never fall for someone else other than you." and " I will never love anyone else other than you."

Oh boy, i love playing games. Let's see what happens in the end.

I've been kept in the dark...

2010-10-16T16:36:00.002+08:00

so much for saying you were always the one whom i've kept in the dark.
so when you've blurt it out, i wanted to say the same line you always use on me,
but nahh, im not heartless, i know when's the right time and when's not.
so, hell yeah, i feel like breaking all the ties we've had, but again,
im not heartless, we'll just see what's in store for us.

♥shit!

2010-10-04T11:40:00.002+08:00

So, this shit has been with me for like 3 days or so? i kinda feel that its not working out anymore. Like, why waste our time right? Issit me or there is something fishy going on? I dunnoe why, but to think of it, they like to play with relationships, so its kinda hard for me to believe that whatever's between us is real. hrmm, and the vibes, its like fading away. the vibes which always convince me he's the one. i don't know and i have no idea what i should do now. and sweetliboocious, i still do love him, but if he felt the same way, then there's no point. arghhh, i wanna know if he felt the same way. i tried first talking it out to zahrin, and and he said i should confront him, but hell yeah, i know if i confront him, he'll blow up. and so, if we were gonna leave each other, i wish you all the best, and i would so want you to be with her. LURVES!

Daddy!

2010-10-03T13:43:00.002+08:00

Daddy, am i really living under your shadows? Cause i remembered when you were still around and when someone scolded me, you were always there, but now, no one's there!
i would just cry alone.
ans when you were still around, i would have no problems at all.
but now, you're gone, i have tons.
im tired of living. i swear!
without you around, life's like a hell!

Pictazzz!

2010-10-03T02:09:00.002+08:00

Flooded by Me & Fee!

IMISSYOU.

2010-10-03T01:40:00.003+08:00

My Fifi, Moon, i miss you. I used to talk my problems out to you, but now, you're no more in Singapore, i felt lost. I don't really know who i can trust and who i couldn't.

Woots~

2010-10-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

i miss you guys. cheer me uppp! i feel lost.

Happy belated Birthday, Daddy!

2010-09-04T07:03:00.002+08:00

i miss how u care about me,
i miss how you can coax me without scolding.
i miss how close we were.
i miss having you around me to always make me smile.
Daddy, i miss you!

HAPPY 50th Birthdayy!

ME! Being SILLY and BORED!

2010-09-04T06:36:00.000+08:00

HOWS ITT?!!

Realising

2010-08-27T02:03:00.002+08:00

okay, i have to admit this, not even 24 hours has passed since my bro booked in. but i am already missing him. though most of the times, his not at home or he is with his friends, when night comes, i miss him. miss how much i would irritate him to off the lights or quiet down when he on his loud musics when his playing warcraft. i miss him irritating me too. miss how much he would scold me if he buka at home and im not. miss having someone to fight about little things. no more shouting across my room to talk or joke around with. you know, i just realise that he is like the other half of me. yeah, people might think we aren't close, but the truth is, we are very close... i know he wont read this, but it wont kill me either to admit,

I MISS MY IRRITATING BROTHER THAT I CRIED EVERYTIME I THINK I MISS HIM.

UPDATES~ 3 Ramadhaan 1431

2010-08-14T02:15:00.004+08:00

i thank God that i can still breathe again in the month of ramadhan in the year 1431 hijrah. yeh, i can be a pain in the ass at times, even now, but hopefully i will change in the month of ramadhan. just now, i had my first tarawih, and i kinda think i like it. though there are some aunties who pain my ass. lol, they push me around, what do you think i am? a passing parcel? arghhh! Roarrr! and guess what? i found my muslim birthdate!
my birthday is on 6th March 1993 correct?
my muslim one is 12 Ramadhan 1413. =))

wanna know sth cool?
Kitty's birthday is on 27 April 1988
his muslim birthday is on 10 Ramadhan 1408 :)

fucked up

2010-08-06T02:26:00.003+08:00

i love kitty.

no matter what happens,

no matter how they try to separate us,

i will still love you.*

he wrote me this...

2010-08-01T13:54:00.003+08:00

Baby, i love you!

am i hurt?

2010-07-22T19:22:00.002+08:00

it hurts me when you're being mean to me. it kills me seeing you all pissed off. my heart stopped beating when i see tears in your eyes. and when all that happens at once, it made me speechless for action shows more than the words which came out of your mouth...
i used to be scared of you and now, i think im scared of you again. but i love you, im even scared to reach for your hand, but trust me, i really wanna hold on you tight when you were mad, but im scared...

Darling, I wish you were here...

2010-07-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

sitting in my room, i wish you were here with me. yeah we met like every single day, for the past few days, but i think it isn't enough. i can never get enough of you. you are like my ecstasy and i am your weed. i don't know if it's true, hopefully it is.

Fate

2010-07-04T23:14:00.003+08:00

i miss loving kitty.

Unfortunately, my feelings towards Kitty has changed. I mean, the things i heards from M is soo fucking unacceptable. Moreover, if his my boyfriend. It hurts me deep inside. I may not show it, but it has already started killing me slowly. So, if one day, i didnt wake up, you should know why. (LOL) Ouhkay, back to this shit, My feelings towards him is like, mixture of love and hatred. But yeah, i love him more than i hate him. What can i do? He is my "Kitty". You guys should know, i may seem like a rough and tomboy-ish kinda girl, but deep inside, im a soft hearted girl. So, when this kinda shit arise, it will make me shed tears. At times, this tears, can even create a pool. -.- And knowing he is a goth metal guy, he will always blew off. (seeing him angry, is what i never wanna ever see again.i hated him because of that. -.-) Yeah, we did struggle to get where we are now, but if that's the truth, seriously, i can't accept it. I know, its gonna be those heartbroken moments again, but i think its worth it. Cause if there's chemistry between the two of you, i would never ever wanna ruin it. And those words you told her, i kept it. It will always be on my mind. Yeah, i didnt tell you, cause i wanna see if you would tell me first. And you didn't, and i wonder why... Haiz, i hope you're not what she claimed you to be, I hope you're still gonna be my Kitty. I leave it all to Fate.

Met Kitty!

2010-06-27T01:30:00.002+08:00

Just now, i worked morning shift, with syairah and noemi. And guess what? it's gonna be my last day there.. Arggh! Hrmm, i sure am gonna miss them. Will pop in tomorrow, if my pay dah masuk la, gonna give syairah some stuffs and get nani the counterpain. -.- i knowww, am gonna miss chatting and nonsense-ing with syairah, farah and jackk... haha.. You know, noemi, the stall in charge or whatever, i thought she didnt like me, but i was touched sey, she told syairah she will miss me...! I felt as if im a part of them already seyy... But its alright, InsyaAllah, i will get the part time job there, so i can still be around or something... hehe. Kitty picked me up after work, then he brought wannnn! haha, and he started smoking! What the hell! He's cute la, he tried scaring me by calling my name in this high pitch tone, sounds abit scary though... Lol. So, we lepak, like me, Syairah, Wan and Kitty. and and i made a mark on his cheek! like wtf? i dont mean it sey... i felt fucking guilty! arghhh! i pinch him cause he was being mean to me... Lol, he is mean, but i still love him and i dont know why... Yeah he is mean. But i do take jokes kay. but he is still mean! and sweet at times, i cant make up my mind.. arghhh!

im confused

2010-06-26T00:23:00.002+08:00

Yeah, you're my bestie and you felt fucking fucked up today, but im sorry. i cant be by your side. I felt so guilty for that. But i hope you understand. If she really loves you, this won't happen. And i dont see the reason why you should cry over a girl like her. Yeah you love her, but you arent sure if she loves you back. Come on, open your eyes and realise it. But seriously, i dont like the way you are right now. you have changed, drastically. i really dont like it. i like how you were before, though you like selengah2, you were cute. haha. okay, inn, he is your bestie. i know! lol. im really sorry, but you were harsh towards me, i dont like it. arghhh! i feel guiltyyy!

I Love Kitty

2010-06-23T03:21:00.001+08:00

I love kitty with all my heart, no doubts.

Meow

2010-06-21T22:37:00.002+08:00

Meow. Sayonara. Konichiwa. Salam. Vannakam. NiHaoMa. Hello.

Meow everyone. Im bored, so here goes the crap. Recently, i statred working temporarily at watson's. I did heard rumours about it, but when i was really there, i thought it was a good place to work. Fun and not really tiring. And hell yeah, i miss hanging out with Kitty. But cannot blame us okay, we both working. Haha, step mane inn kerja 24 jam jek tauuu... I also miss hanging out with my friends, webcamming and also taking videos of us singing. Haha, those lame days. =P It was fun though. Especially when making a video with Hawa... She's crazzyyy! Guess whattt? Fir's going NS sooooon! WTF? Gonna miss him seyy... Those late night talks, those moody times, those late night talks, those blaming him for things i do, those late night talks, those crazy phone calls, those late night talksk, those random calls to him when im bored and THOSE LATE NIGHT CALLS! haha, we must meet before you enter NS okayy!! What else to update about ehh? Hrmm.... bla bla bla

i am a human.

2010-06-13T02:01:00.004+08:00

all the doubts have been cleared

all the secrets have been revealed

all the treasures have been discovered

all the opinions have been taken

but why aren't the truth out?

why aren't the wound healed?

why am i still having this shitty feeling?

i guess thats life.

its complicated and unpredictable.

and hell yeah,

i can put on a fucking mask,

try to fuck care everything,

or just close one eye and put on an act

that i dont know anything,

when the truth is, i do know everything

but remember one thing,

i am a human!

with a brain and a heart,

which means, i can think for myself

and i have feelings,

so, please do not try control me,

for you are no better yourself.

the big teddy fool got for me... :)

2010-06-10T00:18:00.004+08:00

Congratulations on our 1st monthsary! :)

i may not be the perfect one for you but i hope you enjoyed being with me.

yeah, there's alot to go through, but i know one day, we'll be proud of it.

we may not be the perfect couple, but without challenges, the love won't blossom.

im the fool, and yeah, you're the idiot who fall in love with each other,

but in this love story, you're the Romeo, and i'm the Juliet...

which the ace of spade made us fall in love...

him

2010-06-04T01:23:00.003+08:00

im sad seeing him going through all this.

it was never his fault, but somehow, he was to be blamed.

sympathy, was what i felt for him.

maybe he was framed, maybe he wasn't.

and i regret reacting the way i did towards him when we met the other day.

i guess it would take time for the wound to heal, for im no vampire, and im full of emotions.

seeing his closed ones change, he decided that he should too.

to the bad or the better, it depends on the person who sees him.

but for me, it doesnt matter what he is, it was always who he is.

it was always about him, and no one else.

broken hearted girl

2010-05-31T10:52:00.002+08:00

i dont wanna know

2010-05-30T14:39:00.004+08:00

and yeah, you shattered this fragile heart who was fucking in love with your cold black heart.

i feel like blogging

2010-05-30T01:12:00.001+08:00

down with flu and headache!

Fuck it.

2010-05-20T00:46:00.003+08:00

Yeah, fuck life, fuck me, fuck them and fuck everyone. I'm unsure of what im doing right now. I guess i hate myself too much. But at times, i wish i can stop hating myself for i love being around the ones i love. I don't understand what i'm saying, but i think i put my words right. I know its wrong, but i enjoy doing it. I love playing games, even the life im living now, is a game i'm playing. But again, at times, my games drag those whom are not involved in it. I'm really sorry to drag you in this game, my dear. You should know who you are. But i guess im gonna stop playing games for sometime soon. Im gonna surrender and rest for some time. Today's my last day of school, and i just finished doing my assignments. I hope i will pass with flying colours. InsyAllah. I want mummy to be happy and proud of me when i got this certificate. I guess im gonna rest for a few months and start schooling next year. Can't wait to get my licensce! Brooooom! I'm off! Lol, not yet. One thing left to say, i know i have changed. To the better of my left side, and i slip off abit on the right side. If you get it, you get it, if you don't, then grow up! Haha.... When the right time comes, this little mummy's devil will turn into an angel. For she knows her limits and she knows how to shape her future or should i say, she knows which path to take....? Hrmmm... Lu Pikir La Sendiri!

Ace of Spade

2010-05-11T02:14:00.003+08:00

The game played on us instead of us playing the game.

Which One......?

2010-04-22T01:39:00.004+08:00

Holga Multicolour

Shiny Spangle

i am seriously into this kinda cameras which is like slr except they need films.

Do one thing....

2010-04-18T03:04:00.002+08:00

kiss me like you've never kissed before.

what is life to you?

2010-04-16T23:54:00.002+08:00

hrmm, i don't know what's life to you, but for me, it's all about fighting for the position you want to achieve. but then, it doesn't stop there. its all about kindness, selfish and all the other words you can use to describe human beings. the most important is brave and intelligent. you need those two to achieve your dreams. if you really think i'm idiot, its up to you. i may not be perfect in your eyes, but i know in others eyes, i maybe perfect. if not, why are they so jealous about me, that they would start talking behind my back. and life starts being more suckky when my classmate told me that our school is closing down. like what the hell? what am i gonna do now? like find new school? i have only an 'n' level cert. what am i gonna do about it siaa? arghh!

but now

2010-04-10T20:14:00.002+08:00

for once, i thought i wouldnt care,
but for all that i know, i must care.
for once, i thought it wouldnt bother me,
but now, its bothering me.
for once, i thought it wont affect me at all,
but now, its affecting me the most.

life, family, love, luck.
its the 4 things i thought that its all up to Him.
but now then i realise that, we have to push ourself to it.
yeah, but no matter how hard you push, its still up to Him.
you just have to try and never give up.

i thought i could trust him, but im wrong. i thought he cared about me, well, maybe abit. but who cares, i dunt. he hurt me. a guy so closed to me, ignores me for someone else. thanks dude. i thought blood is thicker than water, maybe its proven right, water can be thicker than blood.

miss me much? ♥

2010-04-08T20:58:00.003+08:00

long since i last update huh? yeah, have been having 2 weeks of holidays and and singapore is getting hotter day by day. maybe not hot larh, but humid... okay 2 weeks? what have i done? hrmmm, *thinks* maybe just sit at home, meet frens and spent time with my fifi, maimoon bibi. she's preggy! haha, met hedir, fazlee and few other friends. those bunch of rawkers who are too old for me, but i dont know why im their friend. hrmm, life sucks. maybe not sucks, its just me. im too immatured and they take advantage of me. but heck care, i know who i am and i know what im gonna do to take advantage of them back. hahs, u dont think im childish do you? taking revenge sounds so childish, but who cares? never sigh, u can cry, shout or whatever, but never sigh. sighing is like a sign of regret and unsatisfied. its okay if u regret, but never have this unsatisfied feeling. unless if it is about education, but seriously, its not good. haha, i dun know why but i have been having weird dreams. dreams about syamil, esha, fizah and who else? syamil, my primary school friend, esha, my friend's daughter and fizah, my cousin's wife. okay, that's all till here, ta~

Meet Bestie Dayy

2010-03-26T00:20:00.004+08:00

Wellos people, we're back Scrappy coco, mamas' back!

Haha, met her today, after a long day at school. She was like listening to our all time favourite song, 'Your guardian angel' when i scared her with a "boo!" Haha... hrmmm, she is looking more gorgeous when im still finding myself. She said i look sweet today... haha, mcm nak bodek aku jekk... Lols. We listened to songs, crapp and made fun of others like what we normally do during secondary school days. Haha, we randomly asked this guy who we thought was an indian cutie, which turns out to be a malay. OMG! surprised but couldn't care more. Like always, the guys asked for her number while i say ' im only into cats ' coz i know they wont bother. LOL. not the right time maybe... and he's kinda not my type anyway.... Hrmmm, after sending her to the bus stop, i walked home when i saw mummy getting out of a cab. Conincidence! i really miss her. haha. weird? yaiknoeee!

p.s:met the guy the other day...he is getting thinner. i feel so awkward when we walked together.

Im in love with Syamil!

2010-03-24T11:13:00.000+08:00

Me and Them

2010-03-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

Me and Bro plus Cuzzies
I have a confession to make. I miss my Cuzzies.
Especially Didi and Shap!
Meet up soon pretty please dearies.
Let's go Vivo and take pictures.
Let's go Marina Barrage and Singapore Flyer,
or East Coast at nighttt..... or should i say early in the morning again?
I miss those times we spent at IMM and Vivo.
It was freaking fun.
and hell yeah, i wanna go daiso buy teddies.
or toy 'r' us and get the giant pooh.

Those Words...Should I Trust Them?

2010-03-17T23:45:00.005+08:00

I thought that there's more of a chance than luck for us to be together but those words you said to me, did hurt me alot. I think thats it. I give up. Its all over. Thanks for being there though. Im really addicted to these words....

At a point of time, a woman has to look pretty in order to beloved. At the other point of time, a woman has to beloved to look pretty.

My Goals!

2010-03-07T03:04:00.002+08:00

i guess i wont wanna blog till i manage to lose some weightt.... i have been advised by amir to jog everydayy.... can pancit siaaa! but amir, i love you! thanks for your encouragement. but sadly, you cant go jog with me coz u are in ns noww.... =(

Cindy and Mochi(s)

2010-03-03T00:55:00.002+08:00

Simply Us
There We Are

The mess we made!

TWISHTT!

I love this damn thing. Lols.

okay, i realised one thing. i went there for mochi(s) but i forgot to take the picture! Arggghhh! Forever me, i knowww! And this is my darling from sec 2e5. the name's Cindyy! Went out with her. had alot of lunch and dessert. From clarque Quay all the way to City Link. Was fun thoughh. Meet up soon okayy, before u start schooling!

Hrmmm, just run through it.

2010-02-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

i am tired, but i really want someone to shoot me dead right now. i feel so....i don't know what to say. and i think my old days are back. i love to write. and not normal kind of write you know... it sounds so jiwang, but i just have those words in my head so much that i feel like writting it down, and it turns out okay for an indian girl like me, tho i have malay blood, my malay not that good. and and guess what? i created another blog for these jiwang stuff, tho i don't know who will wanna read it. lol inn! lols! anyway, here it goes;

kau menerangi malamku,
kau menyinari siangku,
kau mengisi hatiku pabila ku sendirian.

pada setiap degupan jantungku,
akan diukir namamu disitu.
pada setiap hembusan nafasku,
akan ku sebut namamu.

kau umpama dadah bagi darahku,
bulan pada malamku,
matahari pada pagiku,
dan jasad bagi rohku.

akan ku menerimamu
walau dalam apapun keadaanmu.
kau pun tahu betapa besarnya cintaku buat dirimu,
wahai sayangku.

namun, kini kau sudah berpunya,
terpaksalah aku mengundur diri.
kan ku doakan agar kau bahgia,
dan moga dapatku melupakan dirimu.

Keep Dreaming, Cindwella!

2010-02-23T14:58:00.001+08:00

My dream cat seyyy!

Complicated

2010-02-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

when we did not meet, you said you missed me.

when we met, you didn't say a word.

you seriously are puzzling me.

sometimes you didn't contact me for weeks or months.

but when we did, you give me those vibes that tells me you are the one.

sometimes when both of us are online, we didn't chat,

but when we webcam, you give me those mooshy stuff.

you made me fall for your trap.

what do you really want from me?

you are all over me.

whenever i walked at the place we first met,

it reminds me of you.

when i drank the drink you like,

it reminds me of you.

the worst is, i ever walk and everyone i saw,

reminds me of you!

its true, we never told each other about our feelings.

but i know, you know my feelings for you is true.

and i know, not much, abit or whatsoever, you still have feelings for me.

it obvious..........if not, you won't introduce me to them.

i still remember, you want me to come over your place.

i would have, but, im kinda scared of your mum.

i wish;

i would have hugged you.

i would have kissed you.

i would have told you the truth.

now, im missing you.

missing you much.

you once gave me a good night kiss, and that night, i slept as if there's no tomorrow.

but im just scared if this feeling will go away one day,

like how the rest of the feeling for other guys

have been washed away.

but somehow, i know you're the one......

insyAllah, i will love you forever.....

Bored? Try watching what we did when we were bored.... ^^

2010-02-08T23:55:00.002+08:00

Hawa Gila Singing!

Passing Time....

Isabella 98

2010-02-07T19:03:00.001+08:00

Enduring the Pain..........

2010-02-04T22:53:00.002+08:00

Yeah, its true that its been awhile since my father left me. But seriously, i never thought that he will ever leave me, though i know one day, he will have to go. But still, i didn’t expect it to be this fast. As days passed by, i miss him more. It keep growing that i can feel that half of my heart is gone. It went away searching for him. I know he is out there, somewhere, watching over me. If i could define true love, i bet it would be something like the love i had for my dad. When that someone went away, i would cry daily till the day i die. My ‘New’ family is falling apart. They are splitting. I wonder why my mum married him if he isn’t the one. And why he agreed if he wants to split now? Aren’t they matured enough to think? Uncle Bad is my step dad, though i didn’t really treat him like a step dad. I treat him more like an uncle. My mum married him few years back, when they thought they were in love. Yeah, whatever. They are splitting up now. The other time, it was my mum and dad. I remembered. They fought in front of me. I was only like 2 or 3. I used to cry when i saw them fighting. Not only that, when i was about 11 or 12, i saw it again, right in front of my eyes. And again, now, it happened. I will break down in the middle of the night, thinking about all this. And yet, people think im emo when i breakdown. I pitied mum, yeah, she has a son, and me! But she never wanna share her problems with us. Im unsure why, but i will feel delighted if we are more open towards each other. I love, her, i know she knew that. But, i didn’t really feel the love from her. I mean, i know she loves me, but she doesn’t show it. I wonder why. When i look at my other friend’s mum, it made me miss my old mum. You know....when i was small, when we used to live in bukit batok, far away from my family, we used to be close. Really close. I miss that. I miss that house and the love we shared in it. But now, because of our own family members, we drew apart. Thanks Families. I really don’t appreciate it. Life is too short to regret, but you should just learn from it and do not repeat it. And yeah, im still alive and breathing well, but im enduring the pain too. And seriously, i don’t enjoy enduring it all by myself. I wish there is someone out there thats gonna lend me their shoulder. Or atleast an ear i could complain to.......

What a Fucked Up dayy

2010-02-04T21:51:00.002+08:00

Me, that cup and my lappie. These are the only things that brighten up my life nowadays. and not to forget, storybooks! Hrmm...Watched movies yesterday with peeka. Watched the 'Blind Side'. It was a sad yet thrue story. It would be so touched if there is more people who acts the same way like michael's foster mum. And yeah, the lovely family i used to love is breaking up. For goodness, sake both parties are so egoistic. Think about us, the little ones. We are growing up seeing this kinda things since i was small.... I dislike this kinda situation. I dont like to fight or see others fight. Not even a quarrel.... When someone shouts at me, i break down. I dont know why..... I feel like crying now. Seeing my brother close to other people other than me. Why can't he be more caring towards me? Whatever about him. I just feel like typing the night away. Dont feel like crying.... Other than school, i find my life rather boring, except when i spend time with friends and family. And this one's for MNF, i cant stand it anymore. The only thing you are good at is none other than hurting me. Try being nice! Arghhhh, Fuck Off! And dad, i miss youuuu!!

Meet Bestie Dayy!

2010-01-31T22:30:00.004+08:00

me and bestie, (my hair very the masai!)
blablablush!

cute? lols

she stole my specs!

we are always crazy!

hrmmm, bestie came over my place today at about 5 plus or 6. We went lepak bawah block after she got her sempoerna..... we chatted and let our heart out... lols. after hanging out alot, we headed to macdonalds. she got herself a double cheese burger meal and curly fries for me, coz i already ate at home. then we walked back to out lepak place. you know, on the way, i nearly got accident. its like, green man, and a car just dashed across me. like only 1cm away from me. that point of time, i felt like sooo shocked i nearly fall. Lukily afiqah caught hold of my hand and chilled me. i was like traumatised. i asked her, what is she gonna do if that car bang me, and she said she's gonna kill the driver. lol. then when we reached the lepak place, afiqah felt bored so she go prank the cd guys. she said im injured then she go flirt with them....lols. she got so kancong when the guys say they wanna see her injured friend, when im not injured at all. crapp okayy, we have to run to the other end of the blockk...lols. she got bandage my hands to show them a prove if they really come and find us.......sorry for the broken english or singlish! anyway, am feeling really tired now. blog another time aites. taking care loved one... and

AYUU,DIDI,FEEQA, I MISS YOU !!!

Sickkky Arse~

2010-01-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

What the hell! I've been sick for like four days! Arrrghhhh...... Anwyay, was on mc the day before. Just wen for my class, early this morning... Yeah, missed out quite alot laaa... hahs, and i dint know we had a test just now, so i was like shivering when i got the paper. Lols. And i really need to go outtt! Stressed out laaa seing myself now...hahs. not stress actually more to i need a work coz i got no cash!

Reeeeoooow ^^

2010-01-23T00:09:00.004+08:00

Meowing with Ayuu's phoneee....
Can't believe ayuu is shyinggg...
my beloved clans at bugis, sometime back.

Heyyy! I wish i was abit more un-malas. lols. i wanna show my ex-link photo which was taken back in p5 and my new raffles campus id card. there is like tonnes of difference. anyway, i really appreciated ayuu accompanying mee all this while. go shopping, crapping, random-ing and also studying. hahs. gonna miss you when both of us got busy with our own stuff. she is starting her work soon, and has also started her training recentlyy. miss you la bacen! hahs. on Thursday, i went studying at macDonald at ayuu's place there. it supposed to be studying right? but i think we laughed alot. hahs. anywayyy, had fun! as usual. just now, had class, but am abit late, and lucky me, ms sonali didn't question much and let me in. whew! urmmm, then i don't know why, but me and madeline got so sleepy during her lesson. it kinda bore us, i think. hrmmm...after class, muzal called. he wanted to fetch me. a free ride, who wouldn't want it, right? so, yeah waited for him, then go over his boss's place to sent a letter before he dropped me off at kembangan MRT. was supposed to meet shap. went to meet her and she was with her fren, rossy. i saw her scribbling that name all over her fren's phone, so i assumed that's her name. heh. ^^ then waited for didi! and guess what, im already freaking hungry arhhh, so we bought old chang keee!! urmm then, waited and waited till somebody thinks she has to go to the toilet to do business. actually, me also, but i wasnt that urgennttt and she forget to bring her wet tissue. lols. im sooooooo in detailed today. yeah, whatever. ;S then then didi arrived, so we met and zooooom~ to the banquett. i bought yong tau foo, didi got nasi campur and shap had fish and chips, i think. hehe. and and did i tell you, me and shap both wear red polo tees? haha. sooo cute. (,") urmm, after finishing our food, and had our second thought, we had ice creams. hehe. thx shap for belanja-ing me 20 cents. hahs. then walked back to their house. met muaz and miyazz la! so adorable seyyyy muaz! and miyaz, so stick-ed to the tv. ^.^ hrmmm...later, i gave shap and didi their 'present', actually, thats for shap, but i forget to get didi anything, i think, didi ask shap laa if she can share the present with you, if not, i belanja u ice cream. swensens arr babe! kk.....back to the story, after giving and everything, i left their house and waited for zap to fetch me at the metta house there. so, thats all for todayy....i think im tired of blogging....ahah...but wont stop so soon, maybe when i have time, i will write to you aitess blog! Love ya~

Emmar International School It Is

2010-01-18T23:45:00.002+08:00

Emmar International School is the name of my new school and i loved it. lols. it begins like this. my brother sent me to school with his car in the morning. went in, got my uniform, took picture for my school id, then paid my school fees. then i have to wait to get my picture taken coz the photographer was abit busy. so, my brother went off to fetch his fren, wan, coz they were late for school. lols. and guess what, when i got my time table, my class starts at 130pm. and at that point of time, it was only 930am. haiyooo....like 5 freaking hours, what to do leh? so, i went out, and asked the security guard where's the nearest mall, and she asked me to go to what ar? was it ghim oh mall or whatever la. so i walked to the bus stop and then realised that i didnt bring my ez-link. so i called my brother and asked him to pick me up and sent me to somewhere in the east, so from there i cn just take a bus home, so it wont take much time. then he asked me to go to the opposite bus stop, and he asked me to rush there. and so, dumbly, i did. i waited and waited, 10 minutes passed, he wasnt there. i called, and he said, he is reaching soon, so total of 30 minutes passed, he still wasnt there. i was freaked out arhhh...im ready late la. coz the bus journey like 1 and half hours to 2 hours ar. then he arrived.... we went to serangoon first, to look take a look at bikes while waiting for his fren. then he sent me home.... i took my ez-link then off i go to catch bus 7. as i thought. the journey is about 1 and 1/2 hours. i slept, woke up the slept again and woke up again and im still not there. tired of seating sia. hrmmm, lastly i reached and im like 20 mins early. so, i went to the nearest shop to get a drink and then walked back to school. went up and valla! Im the first to reach. hahs. the lecturer was like, "i have never seen you before. are you at the right class?". i nodded and showed him my time table. he showed me to my sit, then fill in some forms and gave me my notes. hrmmm, then a girl came in, she's a new student too. so we talked abit then class started. the other students skipped the class, that was what my lecturer told me. so, its only the 3 of us for the whole day. during lunch, surprisingly, me and my classmate sticked together the whole time. i got to know that she drove a car to school ar. gerek u knoww...next yr, insyAllah, im gonna ride a bike to sch. hahs. hrmmmm, overall, school was superb! Love it larhhsss...soo big that it has its own popular bookshop, swimming pool, playground and whatever la. i havent finish touring in it. Lols. =))

I Love Him!

2010-01-16T02:09:00.003+08:00

Sezairi! I soo love him. Its like every night, i will listen to this song of his. He rocks my socks. And i seriously dont understand why people keep criticising him. Wake up people! Singapore idol isn't being racist. Its just that malay's accent is better than chinese and chinese's accent is better than indian. No offence, me myself is an indian girl. ^^ Sezairi, i love this song of yours. I wish one day my someone could write a song for me like how you did.... Sezairi <3

Babablush

2010-01-12T11:02:00.003+08:00

Do u think im a psycho or issit just a trauma? im scared if there's really something wrong with me. The Almighty, i seek forgiveness from You..

The promise which was broken....

2010-01-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

i hate today. i was sooo freaking damn semangat arhh nak pergi johor with mak and abang. then they cancelled it and abang went with his friends. how i hate this feeling. they promised and end up breaking it.

The Bored Soul

2010-01-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

One of the days, i went to the beach. Its lovely but so fly-y. Hahs. There's like huge flies everywhere. Hehe. Hrmm, what can i say? Im feeling rather bored after sales today. 2 days of sales, and i feel as if im already dead. No smile or life. Lols. I sooo cant wait to go back to my country. Got alot of lectures this few days. Pak Besar and Uncle Ghazan is trying to convince me to stay Here.....But im not sure....anyway, its already 2010! im gonna be 17 alreaddy.... Life starts at 40, like 23 yrs more till my life starts. lol. im tired and bored and im writting craps. This trip to Australia wasnt a good one at all. I do enjoy most of it, but i know, family politics will surely be brought up when we return to spore. This 2010, i have a goal. Which is to study and improve myself and also to look better, which im sure, i have to lose weight. AND im loving shopping. Hehs. Ouhkayy, that is random!

Happiness

2009-12-28T23:24:00.004+08:00

hellos everyone. i feel like writting an essay. so here it goes. today i went out with ghazan's daughters and muni and daniel and abang. we went out for lunch and then the guys left. we thought of watching a movie, the chipmunks thingy but the queue at knox was fraking long, so we went off to knox city to just walk around abit. hrmm...we first went in to toys'r'us. then we went to cotton on and bla bla. but you know whatt....the walk around abit coz me hundred bugs. i bought a bag from kate hill which cost me 40 bucks. that pun, after 70% sale! hahs. guess whats the real price arhhh... and i bought a wallet for my dearest which cost me 50 bucks! hahs. kalau dier tak appreciate, i dont know what to say la ehh...and then we went to stud park. the other girls went to safeway while me and shafeera went to McCafe to get drinks. hahs. perangai mcm budak2 seyyy...then we headed to pak besar's place. we slacked abit before going for a drive in movie. lols. i knowww...it sounds good coz it is fun but the movie we watched, i dun quite like it but it was great. lols. urmmm...we finished at about 12 plus tho it ended at 1 plus. the second movie was tooo boring, that we just drove off before it ended. hahs.

hrmmmmmmmm....i got a news!! i got into bukit batok ite. yeay or neay? haiyooo...im okay with it but banyak orang like tak suka like that. what the hell seyyy... i suka far2 so balik lmbat pun mak tak marah. hahs. lame la!! okay whatever. my mum and uncle so want me to continue study here, at TAFE. but im not sure. my heart has always been in singapore. but my mum wanna stay here and i wanna make her happy but i dont wanna stay here, which if i do, i wont be happy. so, me or my mum's happiness? Lols. im tired of typing la. take care kayyy....

Jiwang sekejap ehhh

2009-12-28T22:15:00.001+08:00

Malam ini sayang, aku teringat padamu. Sang mentariku, aku merindui dirimu. Aku merindukan kehangatan pelukkanmu. Aku merindui ciumanmu di dahiku setiap kali kau mengucapkan kata sayang kepadaku. Sayangku, tidak pernahkah engkau merindui semua itu? Benarkah engkau telah melupakan ku? Benarkah engkau tidak ada sikit pun lagi rasa sayang padaku? Jika begitu, mengapa engkau masih ambil berat tentang diriku? Mengapa engkau masih memberi harapan, wahai insan?

P.S. Isn't it too emotional? Thanks to Faiz. Hahs.

Always About You

2009-12-20T20:25:00.004+08:00

i've been trying to upload pics but unsuccessful and im not sure why. Hrmmm...i haven't seen my results but i already submitted the courses thingy to ITE. I chose food and beverages as the first. some people said its not that good for me coz im unsocialise but i just wanna try coz its fun. my mum, she really wanted me to study here, in australia, in TAFE cause she herself wanna take so dips here. Lols. i dunnoe. Im not intrested in studying here yet. i thought maybe after i finish my ite and i've decided what i want to do in life. anyway, im not here to talk about this. im here to say something else. Mr, you have been in my mind ever since i first start telling you all my dirty secrets. that point of time, we cant get together cause i was with someone else. Lol. Urmm..after i broke up with him, you were the one who has got yourself committed into a relationship. you knew my feelings for you were still there but you just kept yourself away from me. You were suppose to send me off and you didnt. if you were ever to read this, and you know its you, i would like to thank you for making my life so complicated. sometimes you call me 'sayang', sometimes just 'pwin' or 'syeera' and i remembered the last time we contacted you gave me this special thing that i can never forget of. and you said it. but after that, you went missing. xoxo

UPDATE!!

2009-12-16T21:03:00.002+08:00

I've safely reached Australia again! Lols. This time round, the weather i freaking hot okay. But at night, it chills. Hrmm, the sale in Rockhampton was okay. The weather there, is way hotter than melbourne. And and! i shopped there. hahs. bought clothes la. =.= Hrmmm....that reminds me! Yaakoob's cat, Roxy has got 4 kittens. they are so cute! I just finish playing around with one of them. Wanted to webcam with cuzzy to show the kitty... but whatever. I think i will just update till here. Will update pics when im free though. kinda busy nowadays.

im immatured.

2009-11-11T12:30:00.003+08:00

an immatured girl like me needs her father's love more than anything else. no one could ever pamper me like he does and nobody could ever take his place. i admit im lost in my own world cause he has yet to take me out from this very imaginative world of mine to reality. like every father, he wishes the best for me. but as for now, nobody could held their hands like how he used to do it to me. i just miss hugging him, kissing him and lying by his side while he stroke my head. can i ever have that moment again?

Bla Bla.....

2009-11-11T09:48:00.003+08:00

Woootz! Me juz woke up la. And have got nothing better to do. Hahs. Urmmm.... yesterday moon, zack and jaraad sleep over..Hahs. They crapz! Slept late coz was video calling with Hawa. She played her guitar and i sang. It was full of crap! It was fun though. We should do it again some time. Today she's having her last paper. Good Luckz Babe! Having cousins whom we only meet like once a year to sleep our place is kinda fun. Ouhkayy...im freaking missing someone. Issit F or M? Haha...muhammad? No Way! Maybe its Khai..But im unsure. He has been ignoring me for idunnoewhy reason. Moon is the center attraction now, and for once what she said is true. I guess i have to stop being sarcastic to elderlys and not answer back to my mum in front of my families. Cause the blame is to my mum and not to us. She open up my heart and mind. Hrmm... and i had a few weird dreams just now....Like one is about nani and the other is about pak besar. I know im busy and kinda stuff but hey, i still do sms my cuzns asking about my nani okayy...and the response is always positive. Lols. Much of my caring-ness... Hrmm....i wonder how come he cant come down to bedok for my birthday but he can come down to simei just to pick her up on a normal day. Im not jealous or anything but come on! Its a fact. You're just being bias! Freaking guys woth some initial 'F' upfront. Not all 'F's though...my Mr F isnt, hopefully... I remember my bestie even came down to bugis just to meet me before i go Aussie but you... you made up a reason like, 'i cant bear to see my loved ones go' or 'i dont want your family to think of it the wrong way'. Bullshit sia! Now then i realise its not worthy to have u even as a bestfriend. I dunnoe why i think im hating you. But in a way, i still have yet not done with you. How you changed my life, thats how im gonna pay back....Muahahahah! and Bla bla bla. im tired. Am suppose to get ready to go to the mosque and im not. WTF?! Hahs. Kayy...til here, Tata~

Changing~

2009-11-09T01:05:00.001+08:00

Changed my number, changed my appearance...but my attitude is still the same.

I guess there's still a kid in me. -.-

Im Left Here, Again, Alone..... ='(

2009-11-07T04:27:00.002+08:00

I removed his picture cause of a certain reasons. Okay forget about that. this few days my days has been real exhausting la. but somehow, its kinda fun. Just came back from the outing with family and cousins and brode to be. 7 days away from the nikah. the guy is coming down on sunday and his parents on tuesday. hahs. felt so happy for you, as for me, maybe not yet. Syed Azmir is still busy with his career. Lols Inn! Mcm paham laa seyy! Hahs. Hrmmm....just now, was my first time going out with moki. i was kinda scared la. Me very fidgitive and he quite quiet. and like most of the time we talk in english and he is damn good at bringing me down. -.- Hahs. it was okay and people! Please! We are only friends. He is attached to i dun know who and i dun care. =) And to my Hunny Bunny, you know who you are, i miss you, but im unsure if you're reading this. I still love you and i wanna eat honey out of the jar with you like how i always wanted to do it with pooh. I also wanna hug you like how i always wished to hug Syed Azmir. =P

Thats Why You Go Away

2009-11-07T04:16:00.003+08:00

Baby want you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There is so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

broken-hearted girl

2009-10-30T02:50:00.003+08:00

i know u been busy lately. me too but i did try to spend time with you but you? you never tried. u know im unhappy with 'us' but you...you never try to make me feel better or atleast try to convince me that nothing between us will change. why are you so different from the old u? you arent trying hard enough. its as if you're letting our 3 years go just because of the 2 mins argument. today was a bad day for me. but when i see you buzzing me, it made me felt better but you just dunnoe how to talk me in... you made me feel worst. im scared of losing you. please dun ever leave me... atleast not at this point of time. i beg you...you are the best thing that has ever happened to me though i know chances of us being together arent that much... haiz.. broken hearted girl. =(

Pictazz!

2009-10-28T23:19:00.007+08:00

both nana and cucu, sleeping. sweet aiye?

me and athiq. ade chance tk?

me on my bro's bike. okay. i love his bike! damn jealous ar!

The even bigger family

The huge family!

Us and the groom's car.

Didi, nurul, me.

My dear, Amar. Jap Boyfie!

Baby Anisah. She is like half indian and half japanese. Cute, nah?

Mubarak cried just seconds before this photo was taken.

they have been together for abt 11 years?

tears of happiness, hopefully!

Firdaus and Farhan.

Mubarak kissing Lydia

Me! Lols. Took by my Lovely, Farhan Baby

Today went out with mak besar and Athiq. We went to ROMM(registries of civil and muslim marriages). Not getting married yet okeh! Hahs. InsyAllah on the 14th november. For once when i go there, i felt scared. You have to swear by the name of god that you will try your best to save your marriage and carry your responsibility properly. Its scary la. Hrmmm...did i tell you that we met mamu and moon there. Sweet nibblets! Hrmmm...after talking to the councillor and stuff, we went for lunch at komala vilas. Ate bhatura! Weeee~ Long since i last ate bhatura with onion and chillies! Its like damn nice and i made them shock ar. they thought i didnt eat spicy stuff. Hehs. Boo! Im random. Just bare with me for awhile more. Urmmm....after that, we walked around abit at mall then headed home with the train. You know what? Mamu was like entertaining Athiq la and im surprised by his reaction. Soooo Cute ouhtayy! Hehs. Urmmm...Im bored. and i fucking miss Him but he doesnt care. You know, sometimes, my jaanu isnt my jaanu. He has never been there for me and he has been missing. You hurt me la dengz! I hate you!

Love his new Bike!

2009-10-28T03:00:00.002+08:00

my stupid computer is still having problems. Again! Anyway, guess what? Abang bought a motor without licensce! Cool giler kan? Wish i can do the same thing. Lol. Urmmm....just now i ride it la! As in i ride on it and play with the vroom vroom thing. Whatever it is called. And future Boyfie, wherever you are, pls own a bike! Im needing a ride from you. Hehs.